By Rev. Dorothy S. Boulware
It started with a Jan. 5 live stream of a church service on Facebook. In it, a young woman, fighting back tears, stands in front of her church congregation, publicly confesses she is pregnant and unmarried, and then apologizes for it. The church applauds her short revelation, and then her pastor proclaims that neither the church nor her own mother can host a baby shower or any celebration of new life — and better not attend one, either.
The resulting outrage on social media is raising questions about Black church traditions, shame and grace.
“What this pastor did was not biblical. It was disrespectful and shameful over that pulpit,” one commenter wrote on the church’s Facebook page.
“That pastor is dead wrong. This is not Bible. This is control and manipulation,” wrote another. “Sir you need to repent!”
But the Rev. Terry Jackson, pastor of True Vine Apostolic Church of Christ in Hampton, Virginia, has the support of the young woman’s mother.
“You all are interrupting my peace and causing more damage than good. You are showing up disrupting my church, my beliefs, and disrespecting my pastor,” wrote the mother, Dee Myles, on Facebook in response to critical posts.
Myles wrote that she stands by what she’s been taught and is raising her daughter to do the same.
“We were not forced or manipulated to stand before the congregation,” she wrote. “My daughter willingly approached the congregation and was welcomed and embraced with open arms.”
A deeply disturbing scene
Rev. Terrence Rogers Sr., senior pastor of Gethsemane Baptist Church in West Baltimore, was so incensed that he wrote a letter to the pastor in question, emphasizing his own pain while observing the video.
“Watching her stand teary-eyed, as she apologized for being pregnant was heartbreaking,” he wrote. “When you declared her child would not be celebrated and instructed her parents and the congregation to deny her a baby shower, I was deeply disturbed.”
Jackson noted the African proverb that it takes a whole village to raise a child.
“After all, what did the baby do to be denied community support before even taking their first breath?” he wrote.
He ended his response by pointing out that if the pastor was going to put the young woman in front of the congregation, “it should have been to offer encouragement because if the gospel is anything, it is this: love, redemption and hope for all. It is this: when we sin, and all of us will, we have an advocate with the Father. His name is Jesus Christ.”
A practice rooted in history — and sexism
This kind of public apology for pregnancy outside marriage traces back decades, particularly in predominantly Black churches. Some congregations were known to christen newborns in side rooms instead of the sanctuary, as if the child were somehow tainted because of the way it was conceived. For mothers who refused to make such a public confession, the option was to remove themselves from active church membership with the understanding that any future return would require that confession.
The missing piece is that often, the father was never required to take part or even acknowledge his role. According to many on social media, this results in a double standard that punishes only women.
“This accountability has NEVER been placed upon males in this fashion and even then would not be right or necessary,” wrote one Instagram user. “She owes man nothing. Any transgression of hers against her own body is between her and the Lord himself,” and public shaming “is not founded in love or biblical principle.”
“So many girls/ladies/women have been hurt by the church and the men who claim to be men of God,” Dr. Sonya Campbell commented on Facebook. Another Facebook user, Tory Parrish, called the scene heartbreaking and could not believe people still did such a thing. Lovetta E. Thompson recalled having seen such a thing and remembering people being made a spectacle in church. Thompson also questioned where the father was.
Other folks on social media wondered if protesting the church would be wrong, suggested giving a baby shower if the pregnant young lady could be found, and asked for her CashApp handle.
Several people were also clear that this was not the kind of action Jesus would have championed, evidenced by the woman in the gospels who was caught in adultery but stood alone to face the penalty. Jesus clearly dismissed the crowd as he suggested the first to throw a stone should be without sin.
Others asked people to stop sharing the video as the young lady was continually being abused by the exposure, as is her unborn child.
As Facebook user Danielle Jones Batts wrote, “Now this girl’s shameful moment has gone viral…. Think about the unborn child that will see this in the years to come.”
This story was originally published on WordinBlack.com.
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