By Nicole S. Daniel | The Birmingham Times
Tora Washington, mother of Destiny Danielle Washington, 20, the nursing student who was shot and killed on the University of Alabama of Birmingham (UAB) campus, said the death of her daughter is a daily grieving process.
“Grief is hard, and it doesn’t go away,” she said. “I just cope. I get up every day and go [through] the motions. I put one foot in front of the other. I’m continuously in prayer because your mind plays tricks on you. I grieve every day of my life.”
Those days have included holidays and some—like Mother’s Day, which is on May 14—are particularly difficult for Washington.
“Mother’s Day is probably the hardest holiday for me,” she said. “It’s very difficult … because I’m used to [Destiny] calling, coming by, or [giving me] a Mother’s Day gift. … I don’t receive that anymore, but I do go to the gravesite to visit her.
“Since 2020, there has not been a day that I haven’t grieved. There hasn’t been a day that I don’t think about my baby. There hasn’t been a day I haven’t said, ‘Oh, how I wish my baby was here.’ I go to sleep thinking about her. I wake up thinking about her.”
In December 2020, the Jefferson County Coroner’s Office identified Destiny. When she first learned about her daughter’s death, Washington told herself, “This can’t be happening to me. This happens to other people. This can’t be happening to my family. I was in denial, but when I got out of the denial phase I became angry.”
“There are so many emotions you have, and they [can be] hard to explain,” she continued. “The loss of a child is the worst pain ever. People lose children from sickness, car accidents, and they are all hurtful. But when it’s a traumatic, unexpected death, you have to learn a different way of coping and processing it.”
In April 2022, Carlos Stephens, 24, was convicted of capital murder in the slaying of the 20-year-old nursing student. The conviction was vacated and Stephens pleaded guilty to a lesser charge. He was sentenced to 25 years in prison.
Washington said the first trial was grueling. “Who wants to go in and look at their child on a screen on a gurney with a number across their chest saying deceased?”
The grieving mom is aware of the homicides that continue to plague the city: “The number of homicides that have been committed in Birmingham is mind-blowing. It’s hard for me to watch the news because it brings back so many memories of Destiny.”
Birmingham ended 2022 with the families and friends of 144 homicide victims left grieving. The year was deadliest in recent history and only a few homicides short of being the deadliest in the Magic City’s entire history.
As a teacher with Tarrant City School District, Washington believes the community should come together and figure out how to teach conflict-resolution strategies that can help prevent gun violence.
“I think we need to go into middle and high schools to talk about gun violence,” Washington said. “Through community involvement, we need to have resources available [to treat] mental illnesses and [teach about] anger management. I think a lot of this stems from unresolved issues—whether at home or at school, or [whether someone is] feeling left out or wanting to be part of something—and not knowing how to handle issues in a way that doesn’t involve pulling a gun. They don’t know how to handle conflict. Some people have the mindset of, ‘I have to get you before you get me.’”
To honor her daughter, Washington has started the Washington Robinson Memorial Scholarship Fund with her church, Covenant Church International in Pinson, Alabama. She also started mentoring group at Tarrant High School, where she teaches.
“During the sessions, we cover [several] topics, such as … being aware of your surroundings,” said Washington, whose ultimate goal is to partner with the Birmingham Police Department to create a safe haven for online trading, where individuals trade products with the help of the internet and computers.
“I want to create places where people can do trading, and it’s safe. The police precinct is the safest place to go,” she said.
To the mothers who have faced similar traumatic experiences, Washington said, “Stay in your word, keep your faith, and take it day by day. Some days will be harder than others, but on the hard days think of the memories of you and your loved one. [Also], seek counseling and join a support group.”
Washington has found comfort in being part of What About Us, a Birmingham-based nonprofit organization that provides support services for those who have experienced the loss of a child.
“I told myself, ‘This will be good for me,’” she said. “If you’re a mother [that hasn’t] experienced losing a child, you don’t understand my hurt and pain. You can sympathize with me, but you can’t empathize with me. … The mothers that are part of What About Us know the pain I feel, they know the ache in my heart, they know the tears that flow because they walk in the same shoes I’m walking in.”
Donations for Destiny’s scholarship fund at Covenant Church International in Pinson, Alabama, can be sent to https://www.covenantchurchintl.org/donate or Cash App $covenantBham FOR: Destiny. To learn more about the Birmingham-based What About Us support group, email Sheree Kennon at shereekennon@yahoo.com or what.about.us.moms@gmail.com.
For a CBS42 report on this Beyond The Violence installment tap this link Beyond the Violence: Mothers helping grieving mothers find their voice this Mother’s Day (cbs42.com)
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