By Aswad Walker
Defender Network
Norma “Raawiya” Thomas and Angela “Mayasa” CeZar Obike began their committed 34-years-and-counting life journey long before U.S. courts gave them permission. And that’s just like them– neither Raawiyah nor Mayasa are the “sit around and wait for someone else’s okay” type.
CREDIT: Courtesy photo
Though Raawiya is an artist to the core and Mayasa is strictly business, this right-brain, left-brain couple is a match made in heaven. At the same time, this pair makes heaven out of their match, and they do so with artistic creativity and businesslike precision.
The fact that they have far surpassed the average length of time together for Black couples (roughly 15.5 years) is a telltale sign that they are doing something right.
Still, the Obikes readily admit they, like all couples in a committed relationship, have faced their ups and downs. But they have found ways to push through challenging moments with enough love in their hearts for each other that they continue to choose their union daily.
In celebration of Black love, the Defender interviewed Black couples who have been together for at least 25 years to find out what works and what doesn’t when the goal is staying together. Are there secrets we need to know?
The Obikes shared lessons they have learned along their journey that just may help other couples seeking an “Always and Forever” relationship.
From honeymoon phase to lifelong union
All couples experience the bliss of that honeymoon phase. But Black love longevity requires the relationship to progress beyond the “everything’s wonderful” newness.
For the Obikes, Raawiya said what facilitated their transition was the fact that “life happened.”
“One of the things I can remember is my daughter got sick at school and I was teaching out in Fort Bend ISD, so I needed someone to pick her up and take her home, and Mayasa did that,” recalled Raawiya. “I think from there, our time together just kind of started to increase. And, what happens a lot of times in relationships such as ours, she was moving out of her apartment, so I invited her to move into my house. There’s kind of an old saying in same-gender relationships, especially where there are females. You meet and then here comes a U-Haul truck because we have this thing of moving in together very quickly.”
“I don’t know if it was quickly. I actually think it was a few months,” responded Mayasa, adding her take on couples transitioning from newness to permanence.
“I think the friendship was what was so essential. I think that probably everybody who knew us a little were like, ‘Okay, something’s going on. But it was really a solid friendship.”
Pre-relationship advice you wish you had received
For Mayasa, naming the pre-relationship advice she wishes she would have received was easy.
“Oh my God. Do not marry an artist. The first time I saw Norma/Raawiya, when you looked at her, you saw, ‘Oh, she’s an artist,’” shared Mayasa, who said when her partner is in that artist space, it’s all-consuming.
“She had some red-framed glasses with one arm on them. She had on these mismatch earrings, feathers and something. But all I could see when I looked at her were her beautiful eyes, and I was like, ‘Oh my God. Eyes of fire.’ But the thing about artists, they love their work, and when they get into their space, nothing else matters.”
“Nothing else matters. The house looks horrible. There’s props everywhere. Things that I value and cherish are now in a play or production that somebody’s wearing. I’m like, ‘Wait a minute. That belongs to my grandmother.’ To be with an artist, you have to be a certain kind of a person. Because if you are not, it’s just not gonna work. You going to feel like you have no value in it. But that was one of the things that did attract me to her in the beginning, was that she was so creative.”
Raawiya added: “Just to clarify, I did not put anything of your grandmother’s on the stage.”
“Yes, you did,” Mayasa responded, laughing.
Hardest relationship lesson to learn
For Raawiya, who admittedly can get totally consumed in her work, a challenging relationship success lesson to learn was being intentionally present for your partner.
“I can live in my own world and not come out until I am personally ready to come out and socialize,” said Raawiya, an educator, playwright, actress, and author. “For example, is where I work 12 hours a day, and I could stay here, but when you come in from work, I could say, ‘Hey, I’m going to be in this a while.’ But I have sense enough to know I’m in a relationship. She just came in from work, so I’m getting ready to move over here to the other part of the house so that we can interact and she can tell me the 99 million things that she’s gonna tell me about what’s going on at that job that I don’t give a hill of beans about, but I’m gonna listen. And vice versa, whatever has happened in my world, I’m gonna share that with her,” shared Raawiya.
“Then, we go check into social media. We’re gonna try to pretend to watch Gunsmoke. Matt Dylan is our boyfriend. He puts us to bed every night. But I had to say to myself, ‘Black woman, you are in a relationship. You have to make an effort to come out of your little cloister and be in that relationship and be present.’”
This article was originally published by Defender Network.
The post The Obikes: What’s the secret to Black love and longevity? appeared first on AFRO American Newspapers.
