By Aswad Walker
Defender Network
It’s hard to find a segment of Black Houston that hasn’t heard of or been impacted by the works of Jodie Jiles and his wife, Defender Network publisher and owner Sonceria “Sonny” Messiah Jiles.
Although the couple has a powerful public presence individually and collectively, they keep their private lives private.
So, imagine the surprise of the Defender when both members of this ever-busy power couple agreed to be interviewed for the “What’s the secret to Black love longevity” series.
There is scarcely a board in all of Black America that one or both are not on. And even as busy as Jodie is, he consistently calls out his wife for being a workaholic. Yet, the duo regularly makes time for faith and family. And now, too, they are sharing their advice on how to keep Black love growing.
Hardest relationship lesson to learn
Though the Jiles possess the unique experience of “meeting for the first time” twice (yes, you read that right), their story offers experiences that have the power to speak to all.
This includes relationship lessons that were not easy for them to learn.
“The hardest relationship-strengthening lesson that I had to learn, and I learned it over time, as Sonny said, we have two boys 13 months apart,” said Jodie. “Sonny came from a complete family. Her mom, her dad, her sister, her brother and herself, and her grandmother down the street. Therefore, they were all under the same roof. They had family reunions. They gathered as a family. They had a ranch where they would go to get together. They would go to Galveston as a family. They’d make trips as a family and they were a family unit.
“I came from living with my mom for a while, living with my grandmother for a longer while, with my dad working in Beaumont. So, we were not under the same roof. Sonny had a clear understanding of family. I did not. Because I didn’t have a clear understanding of family, Sonny’s expectation was here. My expectation was when my boys were born, I said they would never be without their daddy. But I didn’t have the experiences of a whole family. Therefore, my expectations were really high because I was doing 100 percent percent of what I did not receive. But I’m only doing 50 percent of what Sonny received. Therefore, that was really difficult for her because I wasn’t doing what she experienced when she grew up and I was doing more than I experienced when I grew up. So, we had to get to a happy medium.”
Actions taken to preserve the relationship through challenges
Like all couples, the Jiles faced multiple challenges along the way to “forever.” Here’s how they persevered.
“My mom ended up moving with us the last four years of her life because she broke her ankle, flipped herself out of bed, and all of a sudden life changed for us. Jodie was a good husband because he accepted her into our home. She stayed on the first floor. We changed our whole house around, a hospital bed, lift ramps, everything to adapt to my mom being there. And I’ll always appreciate him for that,” shared Sonny.
Jodie didn’t have to reflect long to answer this inquiry.
“I would say the roughest and the toughest bump is real simple, and it exists today. Sonny hadn’t stopped working all the time. Real simple. A friend of mine told me, ‘Just let her have her independence. That’s what she does.’ So, I’ve kind of backed off, but I also know the negative side of working all the time. And I visit with her and talk to her about it, but she lives and breathes the Defender 24/7, and that’s not good. So, it’s an issue and something we are constantly dealing with,” he said.
Sonny interjected: “The Defender was with me before Jodie was with me. So that’s like my first child or my baby. I am learning at this stage of my life, that part of my new direction–I don’t even call ’em resolutions– is that I’m gonna spend more time with friends, family and self. My therapist says, “flip it.” It should be self, family and friends. But the idea is not to work as much; to understand that the part you want to remember is what you had with family. So, I’m trying to do better at that. But I enjoy what I do. I enjoy my work, I enjoy my staff, I enjoy the community. All of that is a part of me.”
Things your partner does that make you feel appreciated
Though Jodie and Sonny are all about business, each possesses a “touchy-feely” element that allows them to share their mutual appreciation for each other.
“You know, this is what we both do. Sometimes, she does it more than me. Sonny will write notes and her notes are so touching. They reflect back and they reflect in the middle and they reflect current time. And it’s kind of like an appreciation note of me as a husband. And I do the same. Not as often and not as frequently, but I do it on Valentine’s and other occasions. Sometimes I’ll just do it, but Sonny will just do it, and it really makes you stop, reflect, and appreciate,” said Jodie.
“Mine are more of, you are in Walgreens and you see a card and it’s like, okay, I’m gonna take this card. I’m gonna write a note and I’m gonna put it under Jodie’s pillow, or I’m gonna put it in his briefcase and he’ll find it. Things like that. Jodie, on those holidays, will write a book in the card. So, it kind of balances out to some degree. I think the other way Jodie shows that he values and appreciates me is he does the dishes. He washes clothes. He picks up stuff from the cleaners. Earlier in our marriage, I used to say to him, ‘I need a wife.’ He’s definitely my husband, but he has taken on some of those non-traditional responsibilities,” said Sonny.
This article was originally published by Defender Network.
The post The Jiles: What’s the secret to love longevity– even in the golden years? appeared first on AFRO American Newspapers.
