By Maurice Carroll
Special to the AFRO
There have been moments where I’ve been seated in frustration, irritated and was so fed up that I emotionally gave up and said aloud “I don’t care anymore.” This feeling had me drowning in depression because I was focussed on what could have been or should have been. It also had me pressed against a wall of anxiety due to my overwhelming thoughts about the future and what was possible or might not be possible. I just couldn’t find my “present moment,” as so many mental health holistic coaches had non-personally advised.
“I don’t care anymore” was the mantra that had me pinned in a nonchalant gloomy physique that outwardly appeared as merely “being quiet.” I was comfortable in my discomfort. I secretly yet passively wanted to be better, but I was frozen in analysis paralysis.
The honest and deeper, transparent feeling that I had was me subconsciously sobbing for things to just be right. I had convinced myself that saying “I don’t care anymore” would rid me of the concerns that I had which would free me to move on with life. I, probably just like you, had convinced myself that no one else was experiencing what I was and, even more so, that they wouldn’t understand. I was right and wrong at the same time.
Nobody else could have my experience because they weren’t me and therefore couldn’t possibly fully understand things from my perspective. However, I learned later that a lot of people I knew had felt the same exact thing. I found myself not being able to live their existence nor fully understanding from their perspective fully because I wasn’t them. “So where does that leave me?” I selfishly thought.
I didn’t realize the depth of my mantra. If you’ve said that too, perhaps you didn’t or don’t understand the extent of the statement either. “I don’t care anymore” is the cry for help, a moment of surrender and the solution all cryptically embedded in one statement. If you’ve found yourself saying this, here is a different perspective that should be useful. When that thought enters your mind or even if you say it outloud follow these simple but not always easy steps. It will be worth the time and energy.
- Pause: After saying it or thinking about it, pause. Don’t reflect, don’t project. Don’t analyze. Just simply give yourself a moment. That could be taking a deep breath. It could be closing your eyes or looking to the sky. It could be as simple as saying “ok” or “wow” to yourself. The point is to just give your mind a break from it for a moment.
- Press reset: What can you do in this moment to care for yourself? Even if your answer is “I don’t know,” begin to explore possible options. There are self-care options for you that you can do for free and alone or with a group. There are other options that you can pay for. The point is to refocus.
Forgive: When we fall short of our intentions, it is convenient to default back into depression, anxiety and stress through the lens of judging yourself. Give yourself a little grace. Forgive yourself if you weren’t as successful as you predicted and do it again.
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