Ericka Alston Buck
Special to the AFRO
As a single woman navigating the dating scene and searching for my person, I’ll be the first to admit—I don’t have the answers when it comes to making love last. Dating in today’s world is an adventure filled with highs, lows and moments that make you question everything you thought you knew about love. But one thing I do know is that lasting love is possible, and I wanted to hear firsthand from couples who have built strong marriages over time.
Credit: Courtesy photo
What keeps them going? How do they handle challenges? And more importantly, how do they keep the spark alive after years together?
Recently, my own love life has taken an exciting turn. I am now exclusively dating someone, and let me tell you—he is intentional, has an incredible sense of humor, and truly sees me. He values every layer of me from the inside out, making me feel deeply understood and cherished. It’s early, but it’s promising, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m with someone who genuinely aligns with what I’ve been searching for.
So, with newfound hope in my heart, I reached out to three couples, married one, two and three decades. They have committed to “the long haul.” Their love stories are filled with wisdom, laughter, and a whole lot of perseverance. Their insight not only gave me hope, but provided solid tips on how to find, secure and keep the love of your life. Here’s what they had to say:
David and Tonya Baña said “I Do” on Nov. 12, 2011. Thirteen years later, their love is stronger than ever.
David Baña believes that shared goals make tough times easier.
“When you and your partner are committed to building each other up, challenges become part of the journey,” he said. “Problems feel smaller when you know you’re facing them together as a team.”
Tonya kept her advice simple yet powerful: “Apologize. Apologize often and do it immediately.”
And the key to keeping their relationship vibrant? For David, it’s vulnerability. “A lot of people think mystery is the secret, but I think it’s the opposite. When you’re completely open with each other—flaws and all—it builds a deep, intimate connection that keeps the spark alive.”
Tonya, on the other hand, swears by laughter. “It’s really hard to stay mad at someone who makes you laugh out loud.”
Johnnie and Karsonya Whitehead – Married for 25 Years (Since October 2, 1999)
For Johnnie, keeping their marriage strong boils down to putting God first. “We pray together every day to make sure we’re grounded and moving forward together,” he said. Kaye echoed that commitment: “We made a promise when we got married to work hard at loving each other and growing together. We truly like each other and enjoy spending time together.”
Johnnie and Kaye also stressed the importance of laughter and grace. “Even in difficult moments, we can take a breath and laugh,” Johnnie said. Kaye added, “We give each other space to be human, to make mistakes, and to grow. Growth is hard, but it’s easier when you know the person beside you protects your heart.”
And what about the spark? “It’s always there,” they both agreed. They prioritize small acts of love—whether it’s going on long walks, watching each other’s favorite shows, or simply making coffee in the morning. “When we were dating, he always reached for my hand,” Kaye reminisced. Johnnie smiled and added, “And I do it now.”
Carmen and Charmagne Mann – Married for 34 Years (Since May 25, 1991)
When asked about navigating tough times, Carmen and Charmagne emphasized three keys: commitment, conviction, and communication. “Commitment keeps you honest. Conviction keeps you trustworthy. Communication keeps love alive unconditionally,” they shared. According to them, these are the master keys to a marriage, and it’s the couple’s responsibility to protect them.
Charmagne added, “It sounds cliché, but communication is definitely key. Ask questions, don’t assume anything. Don’t bottle up your feelings—words have power, and once they’re spoken, they can’t be taken back.” They also believe that faith plays a crucial role in their union: “A marriage should involve three—husband, wife, and God.”
As for keeping the spark alive? “Planning dates and making time for each other is still exciting after 33 years.” Their story proves that intention and effort can keep love fresh, no matter how many years go by.
Timeless Love Lessons
After speaking with these couples, a few key themes stood out. Whether you are single, in a relationship, or reflecting on past love, here are three timeless love lessons that can help you build lasting connections:
- Prioritize Communication – Speak openly, listen actively, and never assume you know what your partner is thinking. Words have power—use them wisely.
- Make Love a Daily Choice – Love is not just a feeling; it’s an action. Show up for your partner, work through the tough times together, and choose each other every day.
- Keep Joy at the Center – Whether it’s laughter, inside jokes, or small acts of kindness, never underestimate the power of joy in a relationship. Love should feel like home.
Love isn’t just about passion and romance—it’s about perseverance, choosing each other daily, and embracing both the highs and the lows. The couples I spoke with have shown that lasting love requires effort, faith, and the ability to laugh together even in difficult moments.
For those still searching, don’t lose hope. Love is out there, and when it’s right, it won’t feel forced. It will be intentional, enduring, and built to stand the test of time. And for those who have found it, nurture it, protect it, and never take it for granted.
Because real love—the kind that weathers storms, grows stronger with time, and brings joy through the years—is always worth the long haul.
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