By Dr. Leeland A. Jones
“Turn the hearts of the fathers to the children and the hearts of the children to the fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse.” ~ Malachi 4:5-6 NKJV
There are many reasons why Father’s Day is so different from Mother’s Day.
Thank God that most of us can celebrate our mothers and our mother figures. But Father’s Day seems to be another story. So why do we have such a canted view of Father’s Day?
We are not too many generations removed from the horrors of slavery and the violent racism that has emasculated our men and destroyed the lives of many a person and family. This horrid abuse for generations has certainly hindered our ability to be healthy nurturing parents or see a father’s image – including God – as a blessing.
Negative father transference
These negative experiences have caused a prejudicial and even hostile perception of what “father” means. Our heroes and role models have also often been distorted, giving us an inability to develop a healthy intimate relationship with others in the father or leadership position. “It’s not you, but who you represent,” we say. “Whether in my conscious mind or in my memories of others ‘like you,’ it’s hard to trust a ‘father’ – period.”
The belief of a benevolent type father that gives us “exceedingly, abundantly, above all we could ask or think” is hard to swallow. It’s no wonder that we have such a canted and hostile view of authority figures, especially if they are pictured as White. The thought of even calling him “God” or picturing him as a “loving Father” is totally absurd and irrational. We reject this passive, dependent, even masochistic position which only humiliates us and calls for more abuse and suffering. “Father” becomes a bad word.
We know that this racist society has done much to keep this emasculation of men of color in place, especially the Black father figures. They are seen as main threats to destroying White superiority; and heaven forbid a Jesus as “a man of color” or God the Father as not “snow white.”
The truth that sets us free
Thanks to my grandfather Carl Murphy, who had a massive library with fascinating books that detailed the rich history of Blacks, I developed a sense of “I’m Black and I’m proud” decades before James Brown’s shocking song. But many in the Black community did not. So, a person in our community in a “father role” – human or divine – starts from the bottom of the ladder.
As a minister I’ve seen how this distorted image of a favorable life causes such a strong hindrance to having strong faith, or even believing in a healthy higher power at all. How can any authority be trusted, after all. This “negative father transference” (felt as a subconscious trauma) can lead to a plethora of unhealthy symptoms and methods to relieve the suffering and pain.
Salubrious secrets
Still, God the Father has bestowed on his children spiritual gifts that are not only to bless others, but also themselves.
As a psychiatrist, I like to ask my patients: The heart pumps nutrient-rich blood and oxygen to every cell and organ in the body. Which organ is the first to receive? Which is the most important? Many answer “the brain” or “I don’t know.” The answer, of course, is the heart! It must feed itself first, through the coronary arteries. When the heart does not receive blood, we call this angina (pain), a coronary (heart attack) or worse, sudden death. To put it another way: The chef or cook will taste the food before it is served. Then it is served when it is really ready.
Spiritual gifts are the same, in the sense that they are given to us first to empower us to better serve them up. As a psychiatrist, I tend to recommend this to many of my patients and that they learn to maximize their strengths and gifts. You’d be very surprised to know how your spiritual gifts can not only relieve your sufferings, but can also bring a panoramic perspective of how to be more successful in life in general.
Have you taken the gift test?
I’ve noticed that many have taken spiritual gift tests for life, business or in their church. But many don’t know how to maximize this “secret information.” I notice that when a person comes to understand how to use their giftings, they are not only healthier, but they can live a more successful life, especially when they learn how to appreciate their calling and even monetize their gifts.
The primary gifts I am referring to here are called the “gifts of the father” or motivational gifts, from Romans 12: 6-8. The Spirit Filled Life Bible has a section on these gifts and also the “gifts of the Son” and “gifts of the Holy Spirit.”
Get more of a taste of these Heavenly Father’s blessings next week.
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