by Evan Bollinger
Domestic violence is an issue that can have profound effects on individuals and families alike. Whether it’s clear and in plain sight, or hidden and kept silent, domestic violence does not discriminate. It affects people of all colors, creeds, and walks of life.
Unfortunately, it does appear to be more prevalent in the Black community.
If you or someone you know may be suffering from domestic violence, know the signs. Oftentimes, victims want to hide the issue out of shame or fear. They may be unwilling to acknowledge what is going on. Many times, victims blame themselves.
Fortunately, there are ways to detect this abhorrent issue.
Here are five silent signs of domestic violence to keep an eye out for…
1. Changes in Financial Access or Control
You may not think of finances when you think of domestic abuse, but in reality, this is very prevalent. Oftentimes, the victim of domestic abuse will become disconnected from finances. In other words, the abusive partner may seize control, preventing the victim from accessing her or his money.
As a result, the abused partner may become dependent on the abuser, further worsening the domestic abuse. In some cases, a victim may seem anxious, uncertain, or fearful when discussing finances. They may appear powerless and unable to escape.
If you notice this in people you know, try to approach the subject calmly and empathetically. Ask if everything is alright, noting the stress over money. Don’t assign blame, just be a shoulder to lean on. This will help you slowly but surely open up communication and uncover what’s really going on.
2. Withdrawn or Anxious Behaviors
When a person is physically, sexually, and/or psychologically abused, many telltale symptoms appear. Two of them are withdrawn and anxious behaviors. This happens because the situation has taken a significant toll on the psyche of the abused.
Be on the lookout. Is a friend or family member, who was normally really outgoing and carefree, now withdrawn and seemingly nervous all the time? Do they seem to avoid activities they once loved?
Do they act increasingly anxious when around their partner?
As always, approach the topic with grace and subtlety. Sometimes, all you need to do is verbally recognize that the person has been acting differently. If you are supportive and don’t come across as judging, the individual may be willing to talk.
3. Unexplained Wounds and Injuries
This is probably the most obvious sign of domestic abuse, but sometimes, it’s also the most easily hidden. It’s one thing if fresh bruises and cuts appear on a person’s face, without explanation. But what if the injuries are elsewhere on their body?
In some cases, you may notice the person has taken steps to hide things. Are they wearing glasses or hats? Dressing in more clothing or wearing accessories that they didn’t before? Do they dismiss concerns about new injuries or seem nervous when asked?
If you find their explanations are vague or implausible, don’t jump to conclusions. Simply offer your helping hand. Sometimes, saying something as simple as “You know I’m always here for you,” can go a long way.
4. Lack of Self-Esteem
We all struggle with self-esteem from time to time, but this is different.
When somebody is the victim of domestic abuse, self-esteem can plummet. They can go from being confident and free-spirited to broken and shut down. In some cases, they may stop making decisions, whereas before they were happy to lead the way.
Other times, victims of domestic abuse become overly apologetic. They act like everything is somehow their fault, even when it’s something minor.
If you notice a significant drop in a person’s self-worth, remind them what they mean to you. Tell them how resilient they are, tell them how powerful they are as a person and individual. This is one great way to help them overcome the emotional effects of domestic abuse.
5. Abnormal Isolation
Last but not least is abnormal isolation from friends and family. Is the person nowhere to be found? Did they go from the life of the party to never showing up, giving vague excuses or no reasons at all?
In many cases, the abusive partner wants to control the victim’s life. This could explain why they don’t feel ‘allowed’ to do activities they once enjoyed. If you notice this, be more forthcoming. Proactively invite the individual to social events, and mention how much they’ve been missed.
Just be sure not to apply unnecessary pressure. Be light and open, and see if the individual returns to social gatherings.
By recognizing the signs in this article – especially when they occur together – you can help a victim of domestic abuse get the help and attention they need!
